There is the phenomenon that happens in some mothers where they remember the experience of labor but they forget it at the same time, and from my experience, it’s just enough forget to get pregnant again. The joy and reward of the new life in your hands color the memory of the preceding pain. This is known as the halo effect. My doctor said they are even studying this experience from mothers on PTSD patients. I say all this to say that I am sharing my experience with you but also saving it here for me.
This is my 3rd delivery and I shared my pregnancy story on the blog as well, here. Each experience has been unique and this one by far has been the most eventful, at least it has after birth. I had major anxiety about the delivery and aftercare (or lack thereof) this time around. I was scared something terrible would happen to me. I expressed this to my husband and my OB. We just kept praying that all would be well.
It was on the evening of January 2, 2022, that I start having intense contractions. I had a false alarm a few days earlier, where the contractions were fairly rhythmic, but they were not increasing intensity. so they sent me home. I had hoped my water would break like it did the first time so Id know for sure it was happening, but nope. I had been 3 cm dilated for weeks with no progress, but on the 2nd, those contractions started to hurt a little more. Side note: whoever said braxton hicks are uncomfortable is sugar coating things, for me they hurt. So I get to the hospital that evening and finally get confirmation that I am 5 cm dilated. That seems to be the magical number, 5. I get admitted to a room & try to hold off on getting the epidural as long as I can. Hours go by and I have not dilated any further so they threaten me with the dreaded P word (Pitocin) if I do not progress within a specific timeframe. A part of me feels like they rush things and there is not an actual medical reason for it but thats another conversation for another day.
At some time in the middle of the night (it’s already starting to blur and I am only 13 weeks postpartum haha), I cannot deal with the contractions and ask them to bring in the epidural. I really just needed some relief from the pain so that I could get some sleep. They prep me and insert the epidural in. It took them two attempts, ouch. It is really hard to relax when the contractions are so intense, but they need you to so they can get it inserted into the right spot. Once the epidural goes in, that is when my shiver/shakes intensify, but it did help with the pain some, not completely.
They check me again in the morning, January 3rd, around 7 am, and I had not moved from 5 cm. By the way, I went into the hospital around 830 pm on Jan 2. In comes the Pitocin and my OB breaks my water. I had it with all 3 of my kids and it really does make the contraction even more intense. The Pitocin also makes me shiver. I am going to skip the details here as I want to mostly focus on after the delivery. After 15 hours of labor, with 20 minutes of pushing, at 11:03 am, out comes a beautiful baby. We were not aware of his gender until he came out - it was another beautiful baby boy, my 3rd one. We had no name picked out for a boy, only a girl, and just moments before it was time to turn in the birth certificate, we decided upon his name, Colin Ezra (talk about pressure).
After delivery, for the most part it was business as usual. We got a strong latch from my son, my vitals were looking good, he was healthy, all was well. Then it came time for the first pee. I realized my legs were not working. I could not move them. I freaked out, but thought, well maybe the epidural has not fully worn off. With the help of my nurse, and my husband, they basically carried me to the restroom to collect my first urine sample. The next few times I had to go to the restroom, I required assistance. By the next morning, I still struggled to move my legs and they were extremely swollen. I had re-gained some feeling in them, but not enough to walk without assistance. We ended up having to stay an extra night because the baby was not eating enough nor pooping or peeing. His bilirubin was high and his glucose was low. While there, my OB calls in a physical therapist to take a look at my legs. The PT is concerned so she calls in a prescription for a walker and states I need to start PT immediately after discharge.
Everything resolves enough for baby, for us to be discharged & to be seen by our pediatrician the following day. We are home, take care of what needs to be taken care of, and all seems to be okay. A couple nights pass, around January 7th, I am passing massive clots on my pad. Well, one gets stuck and it is extremely uncomfortable. I cannot pull it out. I call my OB after -hour line and this OB instructs me to go the hospital. The area is very sensitive as I had 2nd degree tears. I head in and the male OB (he was rough), states that he would need to go in to remove it. I am terrified as my vagina feels like it was hit by a bat as is, I do not want anything else going in it. The mamas who have had tears, know what I mean. He says it is the best way. The nurse kindly lets me hold her hand as he goes in with the speculum to remove it. From there, he sees other clots, so he is digging in there clearing out the area. I am sent home several hours later, and am bleeding normally, with small clots. But definitely traumatized.
Then the next night, the swelling in my legs seems to be getting worse, specifically in my right leg. I carry on as best I can but by the late afternoon the next day, I start getting a terrible headache and I just feel dizzy and disoriented. I had a BP cuff on hand thankfully because during pregnancy my BP was SUPER low, like 80/40. I decide to check my BP and it is like 160/100. So I make another call to the OB after-hours and I am once again instructed to go back in. At this point, I am frustrated and in tears. Mind you, I still can hardly walk. I am using a walker and my legs barely worked. I felt like I gave my best effort during pregnancy to eat clean and work out and now it felt like I did it all that for nothing. They hook me up to the BP monitor and my BP starts going even higher. It got up to like 200!!! The OB told me I was at high risk for seizure or stroke given how high my BP was. At this point, I am still crying, distraught, and they send my husband and baby out to the car to wait for me. Due to high COVID cases from omicron variant, it was unsafe for the baby to be there. I insisted on my husband going home, but he too was worried. Not to sound dramatic, but I really was not sure I would make it out of that hospital alive. Postpartum pre-eclampsia is very rare and it is very serious. I was nursing him at the time, and in the beginning that is super hard, and I was worried about nipple confusion. They spent hours waiting on me, and my husband ended up having to ask for a formulate bottle from the hospital. I end up getting diagnosed with postpartum pre-eclampsia with low heart rate, and had to be admitted.
Colin and Paul visiting me at the hospital
I am in the room, with no windows, and the most painful IV administration of magnesium is about to be given. They insert a catheter, which feels way worse without the epidural, as the magnesium medication causes you to feel disoriented, so you cannot leave the bed for the full 24 hour administration. I was warned that it would be bad, but oh my, BAD was an understatement. You could feel the medication going in, it burned so bad, and it just had me feeling TERRIBLE. So I lay there alone, in this dark room, in a severely short staffed hospital, just wanting to be home with my new baby, and my boys. I somehow managed to maintain pumping to keep up my supply and to send some milk back with my husband. Him and Colin were able to come up 1 day for a couple hours, but it was risky. They never could figure out why my pulse was so low. It was in the 40s which scared me & concerned the medical team. I had the expected response to the magnesium, and the BP meds they started me on seemed to be doing its job. They had another PT come check out my legs, but nothing was clear as to why they were not working. The guess is that it was nerve damage related to either the pushing position or the epidural. After 2 nights there, I am discharged. I had never been so happy to go home in my life. It was the hardest, loneliest nights and all my emotions were heightened as my hormone are through the roof. Even still after all these weeks have passed, it still gets me very emotional.
I get a call the next day from home that I have a UTI that I likely contracted from the catheter. My OB calls me in a prescription to start right away. I look up this medication in my MommyMeds app to ensure it is safe for breastfeeding, despite being told so by my doctor. It had a note that said it is not safe for baby with high bilirubin. I call my pediatrician immediately as I know Colin is still dealing with this and she tells me to stop taking it. So I call my OB back and she puts me on another med. This story, and my BP issues, are reasons why it is so important to advocate for your own health. I ask her if she will see me sooner and re-test me once i finish the dose. The nurse did not seem to think this would be necessary but agreed. I go in and the UTI was NOT clear. I end up having to go in the hospital AGAIN to get a IV antibiotics to treat this UTI as it was unresponsive. I ask once again to be re-checked. My OB did not think it was necessary, so I went to a very old PCP who agreed to check it. Get this guys…the PCP’s staff contaminates my sample and NEVER sends it in. So I call my OB back and ask. The nurse agrees, and she wanted to follow-up with me any way for my BP and my legs. The UTI comes back clear, hallelujah. Honestly there is more to this story, but I am trying not to make this blog post a novel.
I am still going to PT 2-3 times per week but I am happy to report that around 6 weeks PP I no longer required the use of a walker. I am going to be seen by another doctor, and likely a neurologist to follow-up on the issues I am having. My BP is being managed now, and I have not had any UTI issues. I am in a much better place than I was a few weeks ago, but boy has it been hard. When you have a baby, it is hard enough without all these issues, but this just really took it over the top. I have dealt with postpartum depression with my other pregnancies, and I had hoped it would be avoided this time. I think these issues definitely brought me down, but I have not felt as hopeless as I did in the past. I am thankful to not experience the full blown PPD this time around.
As I mentioned above, it is very important that we advocate for our health. I think our healthcare system does a terrible job at taking care of mothers. We have the highest rate of maternal mortality among developed countries and it is easy to see why. Black maternal mortality rates are 3-4 times higher than white women. The baby gets several visits after being born, which is great, but the mother is not seen until a whole 6 weeks later. I am usually cautious with my health, but had I not been, and just went to sleep that night without checking my BP and calling my OB, I am not sure I would still be here to tell this story. Most people do not even have a BP cuff in their home. My OB was very confused that I was having such a hard time, and honestly did a poor job preparing me for what to look out for afterwards, even despite the fact that she knew I had major anxiety, I feel like sometimes we just know things. She is a good doctor, but I felt like the whole system did not have time for me. Everything felt rushed and there wasn’t enough time spent on education and care. Thankfully, I have access to resources and was able to ensure that my son and I’s issues were addressed. Tap into your resources, ask questions, read books, and have a friend who has been through it to reach out to. Do not ignore anything. I know it is easy to get caught up in the million of things that are happening post-baby, but baby needs you here. If you do not have that person, please reach out to me or consider hiring a doula. This was not my first experience being re-hospitalized after baby, but this time was much harder.
I appreciate the prayers please as I work to re-gain full strength of my legs, and that my BP issues will resolve. I also appreciate your time for reading this and I would love to hear below if you had any crazy experiences too. I am so thankful to God for this life and through this I am yet again reminded how precious life is. Us mamas are amazing and really are superhero’s.
Thanks for stopping by, XoXo.